I just wanted to talk to her, officer

ORLANDO, Florida (CNN) — A NASA astronaut was arrested Monday on battery and attempted kidnapping charges after allegedly trying to subdue a romantic rival with pepper spray and abduct her from a parking lot at Orlando International Airport, police said.

Further quoting the CNN story: Navy Capt. Lisa Marie Nowak, who flew her first space shuttle mission as a mission specialist aboard Discovery in July, and Colleen Shipman were both reported to be “in a relationship” with astronaut Bill Oefelein, a Navy commander, according to a police report of the incident.

It’s like Fatal Attraction with astronauts.

This is quite a comely woman, as you can see (though not so much when the cops have dragged her out of an airport parking lot at three in the morning; see her mug shot at the link above). She’s also very intelligent by definition. Simpletons don’t get to be astronauts.

So that makes this end of it all the more perplexing. She reportedly told the police that she merely wanted to talk to her rival. But check out this list of stuff found on her person, in her bag, and in her car:

• Pepper spray
• Trench coat
• Wig
• Carbon dioxide-powered BB pistol
• Steel mallet
• 4-inch folding knife
• 3 to 4 feet of rubber tubing
• Garbage bags
• $600 cash
• 6 latex gloves
• Directions from Houston to the Orlando airport
• Emails from her rival to her paramour
• Diapers (so she wouldn’t have to stop for restroom breaks)
• Letter saying how much she loved her paramour
• Directions to her rival’s house in Florida

Sounds like the proverbial “orgy of evidence” to me.

Being misguided in pursuit of affections (like running around on your spouse) is one thing, for sure, but can anyone be this stupid? Can it be any more bizarre than an astronaut driving 1000 miles in a diaper with a BB gun, a wig, and a lot of what was on Marv’s list in Sin City to “talk to” her romantic rival? Would you say we can go ahead and bank on a mental illness defense of some sort?

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