A fill-in-the-blank for Monday, so stimulating and clever that you’ll want to read and forward endlessly

Boosted from Mrs. Chili, who boosted from Cajunvegan.

My favorite age: This one is pretty damned good.

My best friend(s): Lea, Charles, and my dad.

My celebrity crush: Tori Amos could turn me into a quivering bowl of Jell-O with one look.  Mary McDonnell could Mrs. Robinson the hell out of me.  I might go comatose in the presence of a provocatively-clad Beyoncé Knowles.

My defining characteristic: My freakishly large, yet unexpectedly caressable, penis.

My most evil moment: I stole $80 once.

My favorite food: Pasta.

My grossest injury: On July 12, 1986, I was ejected from the bed of a Ford Courier pickup that rolled over while traveling at approximately 70 mph.  You know how when you were a kid, you fell down and skinned your knee?  Imagine that on three-quarters of your back.

My biggest hatred: Willful ignorance.  It’s not even close.  If you can’t learn something, I have sympathy and shall accommodate.  If you won’t learn something, then fuck you.

My most illegal activity: Gonna go with the $80 (see above).

My need for justice: I have a long view here.  I’m not big on vengeance in general, believing it to be, on balance, more destructive to the seeker than the desired recipient.

My most knowledgeable field: Probably technical writing, though it might be tropical fish.

My life’s goal: To raise two loving, productive, sensible, and self-actualized boys.

My mother’s influence: I’m old enough now to have taken most of the good and discarded most of the bad.

My nerdiest point: As one member of two 4-person teams, I once answered 9 out of 20 toss-up questions in a Scholars’ Bowl round.

My oldest memory: I remember the floor plan, the carpet, and the linoleum of an apartment we moved away from when I was 18 months old.

My perfect date: Really, when Lea’s there, it doesn’t matter what we’re doing.  My closeness to her is such a blessing.  I could not have predicted the depth of my affection for her in our twelfth year of marriage and fifteenth year of being a couple, but I’m so thankful for it.

My unanswered question: How much chocolate frosting did that take?

My random fact: I can remember every single telephone number I’ve ever had since I was 2 years old.  There are 23 of them.

My stupidest decision: Starting smoking.  No contest.  (As of this writing:  One week, four days, 5 hours, 36 minutes and 34 seconds. 247 cigarettes not smoked, saving $43.25. Life saved: 20 hours, 35 minutes.)

My favorite television show: Six Feet Under is the best show ever made.  The Larry Sanders Show is the second-best show ever made.

My style of underwear: Briefs.

My favorite vegetable: I really like a whole lot of vegetables to an equal degree.  Pressed for one favorite, I’d say mushrooms.

My weakest trait: Feeding the physical self (see smoking, above; also gluttony).

My X-men power: I don’t know enough about the X-Men to answer intelligently.  I apologize.  I’m sure I’m hemorrhaging pop-culture points with some substantial percentage of my readership.

My strongest yearning: The hope that I’ve not waited too long to try to salvage my health.

My moment of Zen: Realizing that goals (read: destinations) are fine, but that being able to look at yourself in the mirror contentedly day to day is worth a hell of a lot.

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