My eventual sidekick

You know who’s really cool and, like, the best sidekick of all time?  I mean (of course) besides Boner?

Robin Quivers.  I so totally need to find a way to be compelling enough to warrant the payroll to have a sidekick like Robin Quivers.  How cool is that, to have an intelligent, witty, attractive woman, who’ll go down tasteless avenues with you but keep you just barely grounded enough to remain unambiguously human, at your side?

See, at first I thought it might could be my friend Caroline, both ’cause she’s hilarious and we’ve worked together on the comedic end of things a little bit before, but I don’t know whether she’d be comfortable with that much spotlight.  She’ll definitely be a critical cog in my multimillion-dollar comedy empire, but I think maybe as a “director of creative development” or something.

So I’m eventually going to need a Robin.  Let me know if you’re interested.  You have to be a smart, funny, attractive woman who can handle a very close but unyieldingly platonic relationship with me, and as smokin’ hot as I am, I know that’s going to be tough, but you can do it.

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